Rejection sensitivity and ADHD are closely related, but this fact isn’t often known. Those with ADHD are more likely to struggle with maintaining interpersonal relationships, jobs, and school. This struggle can come with various forms of rejection. This can look like: being rejected by your peers in school, getting let go from a job because you can’t seem to stop making the same mistakes, or getting broken up with in a relationship because your symptoms are frustrating to your partner.
Those of us with ADHD are prone to encounter a higher amount of rejection early on in life, which can cause us to develop almost an expectation for it as we grow older.
In this blog, I want to share deeper insight, healthy coping strategies, and personal experiences to shed light on this widely unknown aspect of life with ADHD.
Understanding Rejection Sensitivity in ADHD
Rejection sensitivity is a more intense deep fear of rejection, criticism, or failure. Imagine having an emotional hair-trigger, where the slightest hint or thought of disapproval and disappointment can send your thoughts spiraling into a whirlwind of negativity. This activates the dwelling component, in which one may spend an exaggerated amount of time thinking about past instances of rejection or perceived failure. This also causes individuals with ADHD to anticipate failure or rejection based on past experiences.
For individuals with ADHD, this sensitivity can be magnified due to differences in brain functioning, and the challenges associated with regulating emotions, impulse control, and executive functioning skills.It is important to note that Rejection Dysphoria is not diagnosable, and is not located in the DSM-5 (The DSM-5 stands for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). It is more so a term used to describe what was stated above, which is extremely common in the ADHD community.
Rejection Sensitivity is a combination of hyperactive brain activity, and hyperactive inner monologue. This is connected to the intense overthinking that many of us ADHDers experience. When we make mistakes, we often log that into our “mistakes file”, which creates a pattern of self scrutiny. “I messed up again”, “Why can’t I get this right”, “I’m just lazy”, “I should be able to do this like everyone else”, “What’s wrong with me?!
These are just a few examples of what an ADHDer may think, and rethink, over and over and over again, when they fall short. This negative, internal monologue often leads to depression and low self esteem. We fear making the same mistake again, which could result in yet another rejection. This turns into an anticipation for rejection, making us highly sensitive to it. Take a look at this website to learn more about rejection sensitivity.
The Rollercoaster of Emotions
Living with rejection sensitivity can feel like riding an emotional rollercoaster with no brakes. One moment, you’re riding high on a wave of confidence, and the next, a perceived criticism sends you plummeting into a pit of self-doubt and anxiety. It’s exhausting, demoralizing, and can significantly impact various aspects of life, from relationships to work and beyond. This happens due to the lack of emotion management and impulse control that many ADHDers struggle with. Many ADHDers have been fired from multiple jobs, lost friendships, been bullied, or struggled to maintain romantic relationships . These experiences act as building blocks– one experience being stacked on top of another until a large tower of inferiority has been created within one’s mind.
Personal Reflection
Throughout my childhood with ADHD and a heightened sensitivity to rejection, I often found myself navigating social situations with a sense of fragility, anticipating disappointment at every turn. Even the simplest exchanges had the ability to ignite waves of self-doubt and humiliation, prompting me to either retreat inward or react defensively. After learning that many other people with ADHD have this same experience, it prompted me to do more research on this phenomenon. After learning about the concept of Rejection Sensitivity, I felt understood and validated. I then learned how to appropriately work through these emotions so that I could help others do the same.
Coping Strategies
While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution for managing rejection sensitivity with ADHD, there are strategies that can help mitigate its impact:
- Mindfulness and Self-Awareness: Cultivating mindfulness and self-awareness can help you recognize when rejection sensitivity is rearing its head. Embracing your emotions without judgment gives you more of an opportunity to work through them. Take a look at these resources to learn more about DBT skills like mindfulness.
- Cognitive Behavioral Techniques: Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be particularly effective in addressing the negative thought patterns and beliefs that fuel rejection sensitivity. Learning to challenge and reframe these thoughts can lead to more adaptive responses to perceived rejection. You can read more about CBT here.
- Build a Support Network: Surrounding yourself with understanding and empathetic individuals can provide a much-needed safety net when navigating the turbulent waters of rejection sensitivity. I understand that it may not be easy to find those who understand. Facebook groups are a good stepping stone to finding support if you do not have any personal relationships that provide the support you need.
- Embrace Failure as Growth: Reframing failure as an opportunity for growth can help lessen the blow of rejection. Rather than viewing setbacks as a reflection of your worth, see them as inevitable learning experiences that can help you grow. Failure and rejection are natural occurrences that are a part of life. Reminding yourself of that, and providing yourself the validation you need to get back up and try again is pivotal to growth!
- Seek Professional Help: If rejection sensitivity is significantly impacting your quality of life, don’t hesitate to seek help. Any of our licensed mental health therapists here at Fava Counseling Associates can provide strategies and support to help you navigate these challenges more effectively.
Closing Thoughts
Living with rejection sensitivity and ADHD is challenging, but it’s not impossible. By embracing self-awareness, seeking support, and implementing coping strategies, it’s possible to regain a sense of control in the face of adversity. Remember, you are not defined by your setbacks, but by how you choose to rise above them. Rejection is a natural part of life. One closed door does not mean that every other door will be closed as well. Here at Fava Counseling, we want you to know that you are heard, seen, and not alone.
If this blog spoke to you and what you have experienced, click here to learn more about getting started with one of our qualified mental health professionals!