Understanding Trauma
Did you know that an estimated 70% of people in the world will experience at least one potentially traumatic event in their lifetime? These events can range from unexpected incidents like car accidents, natural disasters or medical emergencies to deeply personal experiences of physical or sexual abuse.
Many are left with lingering emotions, triggers, and challenges after experiencing traumatic events that can negatively impact their day to day lives. Even more, people often find that the effects of trauma have created ripple effects into their most cherished relationships, creating difficulties with their partners, friends, and family members.
As I often tell my clients, the first step towards lessening the effects of trauma on their life and relationships is increasing our knowledge and awareness of what traumatic stress is. A helpful way to begin is through understanding the core symptoms of traumatic stress: re-experiencing, avoidance, hyperarousal, and mood changes.
Trauma Symptoms & Their Impact on Relationships
Traumatic stress symptoms are normal responses to abnormal events. It’s important to know that these reactions are a result of unfortunate experiences, not a reflection of who you are at your core. Understanding how traumatic stress typically shows up in our lives and relationships is a crucial step towards separating your trauma responses from your identity, beginning your healing journey.
Here are the four categories of traumatic stress symptoms and some common ways that they might show up within you and in your relationships.
1. Re-experiencing.
Have you ever been listening to a certain song or watching a particular movie, and all of a sudden felt transported back to a specific moment in your past? It can feel as if you’re reliving that moment, experiencing all of the same emotions and physiological sensations you did when it first happened. While some memories, like the first time you tried your favorite restaurant or the time your friend told a hilarious joke, are recalled fondly, re-experiencing traumatic events is often unwanted and can be debilitating. It can feel like the past is stealing our present moments. For instance, when you have a flashback of a traumatic event while you are interacting with loved ones, it can be extremely difficult to engage in the present moment. This can lead to feelings of guilt and shame, and others might question why you seem to be disengaged.
2.Avoidance.
Much like a paper cut that you don’t want because you know it is going to hurt, we often avoid the people, places, and things that remind us of past traumatic experiences. While the pain of remembering is temporarily dodged through avoidance, before we know it, we have created a life around trying to stay away from things that remind us of past trauma. Over time, we might even isolate ourselves from the people and experiences that used to bring us comfort and a sense of belonging. In some cases, loved ones might feel shut off or confused as to why we distance ourselves.
3.Hyperarousal.
You know that feeling when you are watching a scary movie and the music starts to get eerie and your anxiety is high because you just know someone (or something) is about to jump out? Sometimes traumatic events can leave us with this same feeling of alertness or hypervigilance, even when it is not necessary. You could be sitting on the couch with your partner, watching your favorite comedy, yet feel that something terrible is going to happen. Your partner might even notice that you are not engaged or seem anxious or tense, leaving you both feeling disconnected even when you are physically together. When we are on high alert of what could go wrong, it’s hard to find enjoyment in the moment with our loved ones.
4. Negative changes in mood and outlook.
Sometimes traumatic events can leave us feeling like our overall mood or outlook on the world has shifted. Many people can feel like there is a constant dark cloud looming over their head or like they are carrying a backpack on their shoulders, weighed down with exhausting feelings of anger, resentment, guilt, and shame. When we are constantly trying to manage these types of difficult emotions, it can be challenging to healthily engage in our most meaningful relationships. For example, we might find ourselves becoming more irritable with the people that we love, even when we don’t want to be. In other cases, shame and guilt can even lead us to withdraw from our relationships and isolate ourselves from those that we love the most.
Breaking Free from Traumatic Stress & Healing Your Relationships in Therapy
While the weight of traumatic stress can weigh heavily on our day to day lives and relationships, there is hope. Healing from traumatic stress is very possible and you don’t have to do it alone. With the right tools and support, you can break free from traumatic stress and reclaim your life and relationships.
Here are a few effective ways that I assist clients in their journey towards recovery from traumatic stress:
1. Self-awareness and self-compassion.
The first step towards tackling a problem is to gain a clear understanding of it. When I work with clients who have experienced trauma, we begin by working together to get a really clear view of what you’ve been through and how it is impacting you today. I might even use specialized assessment tools to gather the extent to which traumatic stress is impacting you so that we can find the very best treatment approach.
Through this process, I also help clients separate their symptoms from their sense of self, fostering more self-compassion. Additionally, I work with clients to help their loved ones become more knowledgeable about traumatic stress so that they can better understand how to support you.
2. Grounding skills.
When you start to be able to recognize when you are having a traumatic stress response in the moment, you can begin to respond to your symptoms in a better way. I work with clients to build grounding skills that make sense for them and their lifestyles. Some common grounding skills that I teach my clients are the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, progressive muscle relaxation, and body scan exercises.
I also work with clients to develop ways to communicate when they are experiencing traumatic symptoms to their loved ones so they might support you in utilizing grounding skills. I might even encourage you and your loved ones to practice these skills together, strengthening your connection and shared use of healthy coping skills.
3. Exposure therapy.
One of the most effective approaches to lessening traumatic stress symptoms is through a specialized treatment called exposure therapy. There are multiple types of evidence-based exposure therapy, some popular ones being Prolonged Exposure (PE), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Brainspotting, and Narrative Exposure Therapy. These types of treatment, focused on reprocessing traumatic experiences in a safe space, help your brain understand that the traumatic events that you have experienced are no longer happening, freeing you to enjoy the present moments in your life.
I am trained in Narrative Exposure Therapy, which helps clients who have experienced multiple traumatic events find relief from symptoms of traumatic stress while helping clients to find empowerment in their life story.
4. Relationship therapy.
While much of the deeply personal work of healing from trauma is done in individual therapy, it can be incredibly beneficial to attend relational therapy with either a partner or a family member to process how traumatic stress has influenced our most cherished relationships.
Alongside supporting those experiencing traumatic stress firsthand, I also work with their partners and loved ones to develop their own coping skills and learn how to support those who have experienced trauma. I provide a structured, supportive space for couples and families to learn how to communicate about traumatic experiences and rekindle their sense of connection.
If you are curious about how therapy can help you break free from traumatic stress in your life and relationships, click here to get in touch.